Saturday, December 23rd, 2006
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4:39 am - ...
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I feel like death is chasing me, and feeling like that I think about all the things I havent done. I want to see my kids grow up and be there like a dad should not half way around the world(I miss them so much it hurts like hell inside)... I want to kiss the woman I love and feel her breath on my face and hold her while she sleeps and for her to know how much she means to me, I want to write the wrongs of my past or at least make amends. I want to say all the things I never said but should have. I want forgiveness, freedom, and peace of mind. I want to have a job with less soul garbage. I want to go to school and buy a house and a hairless cat. I want to drink a guinness with my friends. I want to live...
current mood:  distressed
current music: Future Leaders of The World - Let Me Out
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Thursday, November 2nd, 2006
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6:07 am - the toll...
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So as I sat around for the better part of the last 3 hours looking through journals of people I once knew and called friends I realized that the thing I used to think of as my life had and has changed very much over the past few years. I guess it just made me sad a bit when you can go back to the one time in your life were we all got along and ruled the world. But I also know that things change and lives move on with or with out us and our permission and my life has changed so very very much. I have to say one thing, I have done my fair share if not more of things I am not proud of and it does still eat at me from time to time as ghosts can tend to do. I was happy once just failed to find a way to keep it and I am making my self happy again for the most part. I think the quote from Bladerunner when Rutger Hower is dieing on the roof sums alot up for me about being in combat and going to war "If only you could see what I've sceen with your eyes" I guess the worst part is having to scrape body parts of my friends up. Did you know the average human head weighs 8 lbs. I do. and the worst sound you can ever hear is from a human that is so horribly maimed and trying to live still, I will never get that sound out of my head and memories no matter how much I try I have heard it too much now. I haven't written mostly because I dont have time I work about 20hr days and sleep is all I care about but that mostly consists of not bad dreams per-say but disturbing ones I havent rested in a long time. There have been 5 of us shot here 3 of us killed by bombs and its only been 3 months thats a nice attrition rate if you ask me not to mention all the close calls that only luck got us out of. Dont know when and if I will write again here if ever or I will leave this to the dust of the life and memories that are so many miles behind me now. I have a life away from here and hopes and dreams, one day I might get to be a human again and the sky will be blue that warm comforting deep blue with the sparse think white clouds like cotton, and I can truly foget every thing I have seen with these tired eyes and life will be perfect and we will all get along again and rule the world like we used to...
current music: Sound Garden - Black Days
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Monday, August 21st, 2006
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2:12 am - ...
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Hey all this is the first in another years worht of, life in Iraq posts, its funny tho this time all I can say is I cant say where I am because of things being on the DL all I can say is I am across the river from the Green zone so just look @ a map and you can see names from the news you might know of towns and guess from there. We are attached to the 101 Airborn and thats about it:) stay tuned to cnn for more to follow. Had my first convoy today and my first incoming earlier this week, so things are well normal here I guess. Take care and love to those who matter...
Dx
current mood:  tired
current music: none
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Thursday, July 27th, 2006
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9:32 pm - Some times I fall down and some times I get lost...
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Carla Bruni is awsome....
Quand tu es près de moi,
Cette chambre n'a plus de parois,
Mais des arbres oui, des arbres infinis,
Et quand tu es tellement près de moi,
C'est comme si ce plafond-là,
Il n'existait plus, je vois le ciel penché sur nous... qui restons ainsi,
Abandonnés tout comme si,
Il n'y avait plus rien, non plus rien d'autre au monde,
J'entends l'harmonica... mais on dirait un orgue,
Qui chante pour toi et pour moi,
Là-haut dans le ciel infini,
Et pour toi, et pour moi
Quando sei qui con me
Questa stanza non ha piu pareti
Ma alberi, alberi infiniti
E quando tu sei vicino a me
Questo soffitto, viola, no
Non esiste più, e vedo il cielo sopra a noi
Che restiamo quì, abbandonati come se
Non ci fosse più niente più niente al mondo,
Suona l'armonica, mi sembra un organo
Che canta per te e per me
Su nell'immensità del cielo
E per te e per me.
Et pour toi, et pour moi.
current mood:  somber
current music: Carla Bruni - Le Ciel Dan Une Chambre
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Monday, July 17th, 2006
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11:11 pm - ...
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Ok kids been a while, still not dead, I havent writen because things that have been going on have been normal. Now how ever, I have something note worthy... Thats right kids hold on to your seats, I won another all expence paid trip to the gratest place on earth not Dizyrand but Iraq, woot I am so excited, I will keep you all posted this one sounds like its going to be loads of fun for those of you that tooned in for my last trip there....hope you all are well...
current mood:  bouncy
current music: James Blunt - No Bravery
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Friday, March 17th, 2006
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5:37 pm - ...
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Kilt on guinness in hand been go for 3months give or take...light a candel for the sinners to night i set the world on fire...
current mood:  happy
current music: Lights of Euphoria - Sleepwalk
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Friday, February 24th, 2006
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3:24 am - ...
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Well kids back off to Germany again its been nice being in the states for a while, I miss my kids I miss my old life and I just want to get back to some place I feel like it all makes sense some what. For those I missed this time around sorry but I will be back some time. And for the Ones I hadnt seen in years it was very nice to hang out with you again. Its 345 am lol im not packed yet and still have to clean less than 12hrs till I fly, can't wait to be on that plane...
current mood: tired
current music: Moby - Natural Blues
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Friday, January 27th, 2006
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1:17 am - For You...
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This time is hard
It's not as easy as it was
With you around
You always stood by my side
You made this world a better place
With just a smile
I waved goodbye
I shed a tear
And never felt for someone
The way I felt for you
And I don't mean... for anyone
I mean... for you!
And all these memories fade away
I can feel that I will lose these images
I tried so hard to keep
But I never will forget
you made it such an easy thing
To feel at home
I waved goodbye
I shed a tear
And never felt for someone
The way I felt for you
And I don't mean... for anyone
I mean... for you!
current mood: sad
current music: Wolfsheim
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Saturday, January 21st, 2006
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3:49 am - ...
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"Right Where It Belongs"
See the animal in his cage that you built
Are you sure what side you're on?
Better not look him too closely in the eye
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on?
See the safety of the life you have built
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart
And it's all
Right where it belongs
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks?
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?
What if all the world's inside of your head
Just creations of your own?
Your devils and your gods
All the living and the dead
And you're really all alone?
You can live in this illusion
You can choose to believe
You keep looking but you can't find the woods
While you're hiding in the trees
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you used to know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see? - NiN
current mood:  crappy
current music: NiN - Right Where It Belongs
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Tuesday, January 17th, 2006
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3:54 am - ...
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so i decided that constantly staying in was making me insane and went out and lol i found a goth bar with in 2 stops quite randomly thats just too funny well now i am sore from dancing all night life is very strange some times finally getting over being sick had a nice 3 days off and back to work tomorrow i also totally forgot to eat yesterday i went grocery shopping to have food cuz i was hungry and then just forgot to eat i am retarded some times...hope you all are well...
current mood:  lonely
current music: Korn with a K
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Friday, January 13th, 2006
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8:16 am - ...
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This school is hard and the guys im here with are ass hats and im sick.....yuck all the way around...
current music: Rise Against
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Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
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4:33 pm - ...
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Grand Canyon rwaked kids were troopers after 4hr car ride to vegas 1+ hours parked in traffic waiting to drive across the Hover Dam that was cool actually, Vegas is still Vegas won 100 bucks playen Blackjack lol that might help pay for the 500 dollar speeding ticket I got on the way here lol this is not Germany and that aint no autobahn haha now to Hollywood for two days take care all who matter...
3nD Ov L1n3\\\
current mood: happy
current music: Rise Against - Swing Life Away
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Saturday, December 17th, 2005
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1:57 am - ..
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so that night after we go to the movie, we go to the punk bar just to drop in havent been in months right and end up getting drunk with who thats right Drop Kick Murphys lol always have weird luck with things like that...no I couldnt get the win the lotto luck but get drunk with bands you like luck I did get :) 7 days till I hug my babys for the first time in almost a year...cant wait
current mood: happy
current music: Dropkick Murphys - Kiss Me I'm Shitfaced
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Saturday, December 10th, 2005
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9:06 pm - ...
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Going to see Narnia tonight should be good, Ahh German theaters the only place you can buy beer with your popcorn, soo funny. I cant wait to go back to Az and see my boys I miss them so much. I cant wait to see all my friends and fam too its been too long, should be a nice time, take care all hope you are well...
current mood: content
current music: wir sind helden - von hier an blind
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Thursday, November 10th, 2005
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7:10 am - ...
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all is good, life is full, and I think things might fall apart soon...
current mood: sick
current music: R010R
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Wednesday, October 26th, 2005
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11:38 pm - ...
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things to come, well lets take it from the top what I am doing for all hallos eve I'm going to Frankensteins castle thats right cuz I can I figure where better, looks like I will taken another vacation to some lovely place next may june time frame, I'll be in AZ for X-mas coming in the night of the 22 and leaving on the 4th, just got back from a week in the field lots of fun and thats all I got to say about that, life is good here on my end, hope you all are well...
current mood: tired
current music: not a damn thing
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Tuesday, September 27th, 2005
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1:09 am - ...
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Not dead just busy, not hiding just happy, the new funker rawks and the new Blood Hound Gang is fucking funny hope you all are well... See you in late december...
current mood: tired
current music: BHG - F.oxtrot U.niform C.harily K.ilo
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Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
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11:56 am - ...
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Well kids the word on the street is Iraq some time between Jan and Apr and where in that lovely little shit hole will be home you ask? Thats right kids scenic Fallujah home of some 300 odd dead U.S. Marines, I guess my platoon made a name for it self last time so now we get the honor of an even worse shit hole, but of course this is all just what the little birds are telling me until Friday that is then it will be official... cheers fuckers... 
current mood:  drained
current music: Mesh - My Defender
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Monday, August 15th, 2005
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3:19 pm - ...
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"Part Two"
... I hope that I can seem flawless to you
And always take away the pain that you'll go through
My impression is not always what it seems
You're more of a reflection of what I used to be
...So why do I feel hollow when I look at your photograph?
You take down my fortress and kill me with a smile
Please hold that thought a while
And I'll try to put you on this path
I hope you find the road I couldn't see
You won't be by yourself
I'll live for your problems and think of you when I'm gone
Don't worry now it won't be long
Once I was you I thought the world was safe
A new perspective; everybody is insane
Protecting you is a paranoid excuse
I know that you'll do better than I could ever do
... And thoughts of self-destruction
Are now all buried in the past
You take down my barricade and melt away my heart
If loving hurts so much I want this pain to always last
I hope you pass the test that I have failed
You won't be by yourself
I'll live for your problems and think of you when I'm gone
Don't worry now it won't be long
I apologize to you for the words not spoken yet
Don't want you to look back and live in regret
Some day you'll ask me why I was away...
do with it what you will...
current mood: melancholy
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Saturday, August 6th, 2005
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9:29 pm - ,,,
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this a I dont feel like posting post...
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